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What color socks do bears wear? (They don't wear socks, they have bear feet!)
What to polar bears eat for lunch?
What do you call a grizzly bear caught in the rain?
What's black and white, black and white, and black and white?
What is black and white and red all over?
Why do bears have fur coats?
What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear and a harp?
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What do you call bears with no ears? (B!)
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
Why didn't the teddy bear eat his lunch?
What do you get if you cross a teddy bear with a pig?
What's white, furry, and shaped like a tooth?
How do teddy bears keep their den cool in summer?
What do teddy bears do when it rains?
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Why do seagulls fly over the sea? (Because if they flew over the bay they would be called bagels!)
Why does a flamingo stand on one leg?
Where does a peacock go when it loses its tail?
Did you hear the story about the peacock?
What is even smarter than a talking bird?
Why do hummingbirds hum?
What do you give a sick bird?
Why do birds fly south for the winter?
What birds are found in Portugal?
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What kind of bird can carry the most weight? (The crane!)
What's noisier than a whooping crane?
Did you hear the joke about the broken egg?
What bird is with you at every meal?
What bird is always sad?
What do you call a bird in the winter?
Silly boy: I'd like to buy some bird seed.
Knock Knock!
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Two flies are on the porch. Which one is an actor? (The one on the screen!)
What is the biggest ant in the world?
Why was the baby ant confused?
What do you get when you cross a sheep and a honey bee?
How do bees get to school?
Why do bees have sticky hair?
What do you get when you cross a walrus with a bee?
Why did the bee go to the doctor?
What do you get if you cross a centipede and a parrot?
How do fleas travel from place to place?
What are caterpillars afraid of?
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What is an insect's favorite sport? (Cricket!)
Why did the kid throw the butter out the window?
Why didn't the butterfly go to the dance?
Two silk worms were in a race. Who won?
What do you get if you cross a tarantula and a rose?
Why are spiders good swimmers?
What did the spider say when he broke his new web?
Why are frogs so happy?
What did one frog say to the other?
Why was the mother firefly unhappy?
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Where does a 500-pound canary sit? (Anywhere it wants!)
What's yellow, weighs 1,000 pounds, and sings?
What did the 500 pound canary say?
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What do you get if you cross a canary and a 50-foot long snake? (A sing-a-long!)
Daughter: Mum, can I have a canary for Christmas?
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What is a cat's favorite color? (Purr-ple!)
What is a cat's favorite song?
Why can't a leopard hide?
What's worse than raining cats and dogs?
What kind of cats like to go bowling?
What animal cheats at exams?
Why do you need a license for a dog and not for a cat?
What animals are the best pets?
What did the cat have for breakfast?
What are caterpillars afraid of?
Is it raining cats and dogs?
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Why did the lion spit out the clown? (Because he tasted funny!)
What animal is bad to play games with?
What happened when the lion ate the clown?
Is it true that a lion won't attack if you hold a tree branch?
What's the nickname for someone who put her right hand in the mouth of a lion?
Why didn't the boy believe the tiger?
Why did the leopard wear a striped shirt?
When is it very bad luck to see a black cat?
Is it hard to spot a leopard?
What steps do you take if you a tiger is running towards you?
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What does a mixed-up hen lay? (Scrambled eggs!)
What does an evil hen lay?
Where do tough chickens come from?
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Why did the chewing gum cross the road?
Why did the turkey cross the road?
Why did the turkey cross the road twice?
What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn?
A rooster laid an egg on a barn roof. Which way would it roll?
Where do you find a chicken with no legs?
What do you call it when it rains chickens and ducks?
What do you get if you cross a cocker spaniel, a poodle and a rooster?
Chickens rise when the rooster crows, but when do ducks get up?
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Which side of a chicken has the most feathers? (The outside!)
Why do hens lay eggs?
How do chickens bake a cake?
Why can't a rooster ever get rich?
What's the most musical part of a chicken?
Why did the chicken go to the seance?
What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cow?
If fruit comes from a fruit tree, where does chicken come from?
What's a haunted chicken?
What's a henway?
Silly girl: Why does your son say, "Cluck, cluck, cluck".
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What do you get from a pampered cow? (Spoiled milk!)
What do you call a cow with two legs?
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Where do cows go for entertainment?
What do you get when you cross an octopus and a cow?
What is a cow's favorite day?
What did the farmer call the cow that had no milk?
What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cow?
What happened to the lost cattle?
Why can't you shock cows?
Have you heard about the cow astronaut?
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Why did the cow cross the road? (To get to the udder side!)
Why do cows wear bells?
What do you get when you cross a cow and a goat?
What do you call a sleeping bull?
What do you call a grumpy cow?
What do you call cattle with a sense of humor?
What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument?
Knock Knock!
Knock Knock! |
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Why do male deer need braces? (Because they have buck teeth!)
What do you get if you cross Bambi with a ghost?
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What do you call a deer with no eyes? (No idea!)
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
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What does a triceratops sit on? (Its tricera-bottom!)
What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?
Why did the Archaeopteryx catch the worm?
What was T. rex's favorite number?
Why did the dinosaur get in the bed?
Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
Receptionist: Doctor, there's an invisible dinosaur in the waiting room.
What do you call a fossil that doesn't ever want to work?
What do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars?
What did the dinosaur say after the car crash?
What do you call it when a dinosaur makes a goal with a soccer ball?
What do you call a plated dinosaur when he is asleep?
What do you call a tyrannosaurus that talks and talks and talks?
What do you call a dinosaur with no eyes?
What's the best way to talk to a Tyrannosaur?
Why are there old dinosaur bones in the museum?
What do you say when you meet a two-headed dinosaur?
Is it true that a dinosaur won't attack if you hold a tree branch?
Bob: I wish I had enough money to buy a dinosaur.
Sue: I lost my pet dinosaur .
What did the Tyrannosaurus rex get after mopping the floor?
Why did the dinosaurs go extinct?
Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
What makes more noise than a dinosaur?
What do you call a Stegosaurus with carrots in its ears?
What's better than a talking dinosaur?
What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?
What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?
Which dinosaur slept all day?
What do you call Tyrannosaurus rex when it wears a cowboy hat and boots?
What kind of dinosaur can you ride in a rodeo?
What do you get when you cross a dinosaur with fireworks?
When can three giant dinosaurs get under one umbrella and not get wet?
Which type of dinosaur could jump higher than a house?
What weighs 800 pounds and sticks to the roof of your mouth?
What do you do if you find a blue Ichthyosaur?
Why don't dinosaurs ever forget?
What does a giant Tyrannosaurus eat?
What's the difference between a strawberry and a Tyrannosaurus?
Why did the dinosaur paint her toenails red?
What do you get when a dinosaur walks through the strawberry patch?
Do you know how long dinosaurs should be fed?
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What should you do if you find a dinosaur in your bed? (Find somewhere else to sleep!)
Did the dinosaur take a bath?
How did the dinosaur feel after he ate a pillow?
What do you need to know to teach a dinosaur tricks?
Where was the dinosaur when the sun went down?
Why didn't the dinosaur cross the road?
What is in the middle of dinosaurs?
Where do dinosaurs get their mail?
What's as big as a dinosaur but weighs nothing?
What do you get when a dinosaur sneezes?
How do you know if there's a dinosaur in your refrigerator?
What happened when the dinosaur took the train home?
Mitchell: Why did the Triceratops cross the road?
How do you know if there's a dinosaur under your bed?
Why was the dinosaur afraid of the ocean?
What do you call a dinosaur with one leg?
Mother: Why are you crying?
What was the scariest prehistoric animal?
What has a spiked tail, plates on its back, and sixteen wheels?
What do you call it when a dinosaur slides in to home plate?
What do you get if you cross a Triceratops with a kangaroo?
What do you get if you cross a pig with a dinosaur?
What family does T. rex belong to?
What made the dinosaur's car stop?
What do you call a dinosaur that left its armor out in the rain?
What type of tool does a prehistoric reptile carpenter use?
Who makes the best prehistoric reptile clothes?
Which dinosaurs were the best policemen?
What do you call a dinosaur who is elected to Congress?
Where do prehistoric reptiles like to go on vacation?
Where did Velociraptor buy things?
How do dinosaurs pay their bills?
Why did the Apatosaurus devour the factory?
What is an Iguanodon's favorite playground toy?
What's worse than a giraffe with a sore throat?
How much fur can you get from a dinosaur?
Why do dinosaurs eat raw meat?
What did dinosaurs have that no others animals ever had?
How many dinosaurs can fit in an empty box?
How can you tell if there's a dinosaur in the refrigerator?
How do you make a dinosaur float?
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What do you get when you cross a Rottweiler and a collie? (A dog who bites you, and then goes for help!)
What animal keeps the best time?
When is a dog not a dog?
Why don't dogs make good dancers?
What dog loves to take bubble baths?
What type of markets do dogs avoid?
Why don't blind people like to sky dive?
Why did the dachshund bite the woman's ankle?
Why did the snowman call his dog "Frost"?
Why do you need a license for a dog and not for a cat?
What do you call a nutty dog in Australia?
How do you catch a runaway dog?
When is a black dog not a black dog?
What do you call young dogs who play in the snow?
Why do dogs run in circles?
What do you get if you cross a Beatle and an Australian dog?
Why do you get if you cross a chili pepper, a shovel and a terrier?
What do you call a black Alaskan dog?
What do you call a great dog detective?
Why is a tree like a big dog?
What are caterpillars afraid of? Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
How do fleas travel from place to place?
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What happens when it rains cats and dogs? (You might step in a poodle!)
What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper?
What did one flea say to the other?
What do you call a dog that is left handed?
What's worse than raining cats and dogs?
What do you get if you cross a dog and an airplane?
What do dogs have that no other animals have?
Where do Eskimos train their dogs?
What breed of dog does Dracula have?
What makes more noise than a dog barking outside your window?
What do you call a happy Lassie?
What kind of dog likes to smell flowers?
What do you call a dog with no legs?
What do you get if you cross a cocker spaniel, a poodle and a rooster?
What do you get if you cross a frog and a dog?
How did the little Scottish dog feel when he saw a monster?
When does a dog go "moo"?
What happened to the dog that swallowed a firefly?
What do dogs eat at the movies?
What is a dog's favorite dessert?
Is it raining cats and dogs?
Did you hear about the dog that gave birth to puppies at the side of the road? In the winter my dog wears his coat. In the summer he wears his coat and pants!
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What does a duck like to eat with soup? (Quackers!)
What geometric figure is like a lost parrot?
What happens when a duck flies upside down?
What did the duck say after he went shopping?
What do you call a crate of ducks?
What do you call it when it rains chickens and ducks?
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How do you get down off an elephant? (You don't, you get down off a duck!)
When a duck has no money, what does it tell the waiter?
Which animal grows down?
What's the difference between a duck with one wing and a duck with two wings?
Who stole the soap?
What do ducks watch on TV?
Chickens rise when the rooster crows, but when do ducks get up?
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What does a mixed-up hen lay? (Scrambled eggs!)
What does an evil hen lay?
Where do tough chickens come from?
What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn?
A rooster laid an egg on a barn roof. Which way would it roll?
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Why do hens lay eggs? (If they dropped them, they'd break!)
Did you hear the joke about the broken egg?
Where do you get frogs' eggs?
Silly girl: Why does your son say, "Cluck, cluck, cluck"?
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How do elephants talk to each other long distance? (On the elephone!)
What do you do when you find a blue elephant?
What time is it when you find an elephant in your car?
How do you know if there's an elephant under your bed?
What time is it when 10 elephants are chasing you?
How do you stop an elephant from charging?
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a fish?
What's an elephant's favorite vegetable?
Why are elephants so poor?
What is the biggest ant in the world?
What does a doctor give an elephant who's going to be sick?
What's big and grey and protects you from the rain?
What do you do with a green elephant?
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How do you get down off an elephant? (You don't, you get down off a duck!)
What game do you NOT want to play with an elephant?
What do you do when you see an elephant with a basketball?
How do you know if there is a elephant in your refrigerator?
How do you know if there's a elephant in your refrigerator?
How do you raise a baby elephant?
Why are elephants so wrinkled?
What is gray and blue and very big?
What time is it when an elephant sits on your watch?
Why did the elephant wear green sneakers?
What happened to the elephant who ran away with the circus?
Why do you call an elephant in a phone booth?
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Fish and Other Ocean Animal Jokes:
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What's the difference between a piano and a fish? (You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish!)
What do you get when you cross a shark and a snowman?
What did the fish say when he swam into the concrete wall?
Which part of a fish weighs the most?
What's the most musical part of a fish?
Which fish is the most famous?
How do you confuse a fish?
Where do fish keep their money?
Why did the shark spit out the clown?
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Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?
What do you call a fish without an eye?
How do oysters call their friends?
Why don't oysters share their pearls?
What do you get when you cross an octopus and a cow?
What's that gooey stuff in between a shark's teeth?
What is the strongest creature in the sea?
Where do fish sleep?
What do fish and maps have in common?
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What happens when a frog parks in a no-parking space? (It gets toad away!)
What is a frog's favorite exercise?
What do you get when you cross a frog and a bunny?
Why are frogs so happy?
What did one frog say to the other?
What do you get if you cross a frog and a dog?
Where do frogs leave their hats and coats?
What do you call a frog with no hind legs?
What do frogs wear on their feet?
Why do frogs like St. Patrick's Day?
When is a car like a frog?
What do you say if you meet a toad?
Where do you get frogs' eggs?
What do you say to a frog who needs a ride?
What does a frog say when it washes a window?
What do you get when you cross a frog and a popsicle?
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Why couldn't the snake talk? (It had a frog in his throat!)
What is a frog's favorite year?
What is a frog's favorite game?
What is a frog's favorite game?
What is a frog's favorite flower?
What is a frog's favorite cold drink?
What is a frog's favorite hot drink?
What is a frog's favorite music?
How did the toad die?
How did the toad die?
How deep is a frog pond?
What's the world's weakest animal?
Why do frogs have webbed feet?
What do you call a girl with a frog in her hair?
What goes dot-dot-croak, dot-dash-croak?
How does a frog feel when he has a broken leg?
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What type of horses only go out at night? (Nightmares!)
What did the pony say when it had a sore throat?
Why did the boy stand behind the horse?
How long should a racehorse's legs be?
What type of horse can jump higher than a house?
What do you give a sick horse?
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Why did the farmer ride his horse to town? (It was too heavy to carry!)
When does a horse talk?
What's the difference between a horse and the weather?
What sickness do horses hate the most?
What do you call a horse that lives next door?
What does it mean if you find a horseshoe in the road?
Patient: Doctor, I feel like a pony!
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What kind of a key opens a banana? (A monkey!)
Why did the monkey like the banana?
What did the banana say to the monkey?
What do monkeys do for laughs?
What do you call a monkey with a banana in each ear?
What did the monkey say when he cut off his tail?
Where should a monkey go when he loses his tail?
Why don't monkeys play cards in the jungle?
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Why did the giant ape climbe up the side of the skyscraper? (The elevator was broken!)
Where do chimps get their gossip?
What key won't open any door?
How do you catch a monkey?
How do monkeys get down the stairs?
Where does a 2,000 pound gorilla sit?
What do you call a 2,000 pound gorilla?
Jake: I taught my monkey to play chess.
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What's gray, squeaky and hangs around in caves? (Stalagmice!)
What does a twenty-pound mouse say to a cat?
What has 12 legs, six eyes, three tails, and can't see?
What did the cat have for breakfast?
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What goes dot, dot, dash, squeak? (Mouse code!)
What's gray and furry on the inside and white on the outside?
When is it very bad luck to see a black cat?
Where do hamsters come from?
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Someone said you sounded like an owl. (Who?)
What do you call an owl with a deep voice?
Why did the owl say, "Tweet, tweet"?
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What is a baby owl after she's 6 days old? (Seven days old)
What is an owl's favorite subject?
Knock, Knock!
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What do you get when you cross a parrot and a shark? (A bird that talks your ear off!)
What do you get if you cross a cat with a parrot?
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Which side of a parrot has the prettiest feathers? (The outside!)
What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
What do you get if you cross a centipede and a parrot?
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Where do penguins go to dance? (The snow ball!)
Where does a penguin keep its money?
Why did the penguin cross the road?
Where do penguins go to the movies?
What's a penguin's favorite salad?
What do penguins have for lunch?
How does a penguin make pancakes?
Who's the penguin's favorite Aunt?
What do you get when you cross a penguin and an alligator?
Why do penguins carry fish in their beaks?
What do penguins sing at a birthday party?
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What do penguins wear on their heads? (Ice caps!)
What's black and white, black and white, and black and white?
Why are penguins good race drivers?
What do penguins eat for lunch?
How does a penguin build its house?
How do penguins drink?
Who's the head of the penguin navy?
What do you call fifty penguins at the North Pole?
Which side of a penguin has the most feathers?
What's black, white and red all over?
Why don't you see penguins in Britain?
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Why did the pig become an actor? (Because he was a ham.)
What kind of pigs know karate?
What kind of ties do pigs wear?
What do you get if you cross a teddy bear with a pig?
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Why did the pig take a bath? (The farmer said, "Hogwash"!)
What do you get when you cross a dinosaur with a pig?
What do you give a sick pig?
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What do you get when you cross a frog and a bunny? (A ribbit!)
Why was the rabbit so upset?
What do you call a dumb bunny?
How can you tell which are the oldest rabbits?
What kind of book does a rabbit like to read?
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What do you call a rabbit comedian? (A funny bunny!)
What's the best way to catch a unique rabbit?
How do you catch a tame rabbit?
What do you call a line of rabbits walking backwards?
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What is snake's favorite subject? (Hiss-tory!)
What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie?
What snakes are good at doing sums?
Why are snakes hard to fool?
What snakes are found on cars?
What are a snake's favorite magic spells?
Why did the viper viper nose?
What's long, green and goes "hith"?
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What is a snake's favorite dance? (The mamba!)
Why couldn't the snake talk?
Why did St. Patrick drive all the snakes out of Ireland?
What do you call a snake with a great personality?
What do most people do when they see a python?
What do you get if you cross a serpent and a trumpet?
What do you give a sick snake?
What do you call a snake who works for the government?
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What key won't open any door? (A turkey!)
Why did the turkey cross the road?
Why did the chewing gum cross the road?
Why did the turkey cross the road twice?
What do you get when a turkey lays an egg on top of a barn?
Where do you find a turkey with no legs?
What do you call it when it rains turkeys?
Why did the turkey sit on the tomahawk?
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Why did the police arrest the turkey? (They suspected it of fowl play!)
Which side of a turkey has the most feathers?
Why do turkeys lay eggs?
What's the most musical part of a turkey?
If fruit comes from a fruit tree, where does turkey come from?
Daughter: Mum, can I have a canary for Christmas?
What happened when the turkey got into a fight?
What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner? |
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What do you call a camel with no humps? (Hump-free/Humphrey!)
What do you call a crying Camel?
What did the buffalo say to his son when he went away on a trip?
What is a sheep's favorite game?
What animal is best at baseball?
Which circus performers can see in the dark?
Why don't anteaters ever get sick?
Why don't bats live alone?
What animals are on legal documents?
How do you close a letter under the sea?
What's a good job for an octopus?
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How do two snails fight? (They slug it out!)
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Where did the turtle get a new shell?
How many skunks does it take to stink up a house?
What did the judge say when the skunk walked into the courtroom?
If a crocodile makes shoes, what does a banana make?
What do you call an alligator detective?
Where do hamsters come from?
What is out of bounds?
What animal is good at cricket?
Why do dragons sleep during the day?
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What's the most musical bone? (The trom-bone!)
What makes music on your hair?
What's the best thing to put in a pie?
What did the skeleton order for dinner?
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
What do you call a skeleton who won't work?
How do you make a skeleton laugh?
What do you call a fossil that doesn't ever want to work?
What smells the best at dinner?
Why is your nose in the middle of your face?
How does a frog feel when he has a broken leg?
What has no fingers, but many rings?
What do you call a dinosaur with no eyes?
What do you call a pirate with two eyes and two legs?
Did you pick your nose?
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
What should you do if you're attacked by a group of clowns?
What happened to the cannibal who was late to dinner?
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What kind of flower grows on your face? (Tulips!)
What do you call a frog with no legs?
What has eight legs and eight eyes?
What kind of hair do oceans have?
What has a bottom at the top?
What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Why can't a nose be 12 inches long?
Why did the one-handed man cross the road?
Why shouldn't you tell a secret on a farm?
What did the hurricane say to the other hurricane?
What do you call a fish without an eye?
What has one eye but cannot see?
Why did the clown wear loud socks!
Why couldn't the snake talk?
Why are snakes hard to fool?
Why did the viper viper nose?
What do ghosts use to clean their hair?
What has a hundred heads and a hundred tails?
Why don't you wear a cardboard belt? I don't think I need a spine. It's holding me back!
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Why did the clown go to the doctor? (Because he was feeling a little funny!)
Why did the clown throw his clock out of the window?
What should you do if you're attacked by a group of clowns?
Why did the clown wear loud socks!
I'd like to take over the clown's job!
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Why was the clown sad? (She broke her funny bone!)
Why don't cannibals eat clowns
Why did the clown cross the road?
What happened when the lion ate the clown?
Why material do you use to make a clown outfit?
What is the pink goo between an elephant's toes?
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What's black and white and red all over? (A newspaper!)
What happens when you throw a white hat into the Black Sea?
What's black and white, black and white, and black and white?
What's black and white, black and white, and black and white?
What's black and white, black and white, and black and white?
What is black and white and red all over?
When is a black dog not a black dog?
Why did the tomato turn red?
What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
What happened when a red ship crashed into a blue ship?
Patient: I swallowed a lot of food coloring.
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What bird is always sad? (The blue jay!)
What do you do when you find a blue elephant?
What is gray and blue and very big?
What color is a ghost?
What's green and smells like blue paint?
What do you do with a green monster?
What is a cat's favorite color?
What color is a burp?
What's big and grey and protects you from the rain?
What would you call the USA if everyone had a pink car?
What is a cheerleader's favorite color?
What color socks do bears wear?
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Why did the house go to the doctor? (Because it had a window pane/pain!)
What's the best time to go to the dentist?
What does a dentist call his X-rays?
What does a sick lemon need?
Why did the clown go to the doctor?
Why did the banana go to the doctor?
Patient: I think I'm a pair of curtains!
Patient: I feel like a pack of cards!
Patient: I think I'm a needle!
What's white, furry, and shaped like a tooth?
What does a doctor give an elephant who's going to be sick?
What do you call a diseased criminal?
Why didn't the girl tell the doctor that she ate some glue?
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Why did the bee go to the doctor? (Because she had hives!)
What do you give a sick bird?
What do you give a sick pig?
What did the doctor give the sick snake?
How does a frog feel when she has a broken leg?
Where do ghosts go when they're sick? Old doctors never die, they just lose their patience!
Patient: I swallowed a lot of food coloring.
Patient: I feel like everyone is ignoring me.
Patient: I think I'm losing my memory.
Patient: Doctor, I feel like a pony!
Patient: Doctor, I think I need glasses!
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What did the baby corn say to the mama corn? (Where's pop?)
What did the nut say when it sneezed?
Why did the cabbage win the race?
Why was the cucumber mad?
What bird is with you at every meal?
Why do monkeys like to eat bananas?
Why did the banana go to the doctor?
How do you catch a monkey?
What do you call a shoe made from a banana?
What does a mixed-up hen lay?
What does an evil hen lay?
What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn?
What did the skeleton order for dinner?
What do ghosts eat on Halloween?
What do you get from a pampered cow?
What do you call a cow with two legs?
What do you call a cow with no legs?
What cheese is made backwards?
What do sea monsters eat for lunch?
How do chickens bake a cake?
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
If fruit comes from a fruit tree, where does chicken come from?
Why did the baker stop making doughnuts?
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
What did the mayonnaise say when someone opened the refrigerator door?
Why did the tomato turn red?
Where do tough chickens come from? Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was a salted/assaulted.
What did the angry customer at the Italian restaurant give the chef?
Why did the pig become an actor?
What did the burger name her daughter?
CUSTOMER: "Do you have spaghetti on the menu today?"
How do you fix a broken tomato?
Why couldn't the teddy bear eat his lunch? Why do dinosaurs eat raw meat? (Because they don't know how to cook!) How do you make a dinosaur float? (Put a scoop of ice cream in a glass of root beer and add one dinosaur!) What weighs 800 pounds and sticks to the roof of your mouth? (A peanut butter and Stegosaurus sandwich!)
Which is the left side of a pie?
Why did the apple go out with a fig?
What do little monsters eat?
What should you take on a trip to the desert?
Patient: Doctor, I think I need glasses!
What kind of vegetable would you like tonight?
What do polar bears eat for lunch?
What's the best thing to put in a pie?
Waiter, will my pizza be long?
What happened to the cannibal who was late to dinner?
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Did you like the restaurant on the moon? (No, it has no atmosphere!)
Why can't you starve to death on a beach?
What's an elephant's favorite vegetable?
What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie?
What do you get when you cross a frog and a popsicle?
What do you get if you cross a sweet potato and a jazz musician?
What is a cheerleader's favorite drink?
What do you call cheese that's not yours?
Why do you get if you cross a chili pepper, a shovel and a terrier?
This food tastes kind of funny.
What do you give to a sick lemon?
Why shouldn't you tell a secret on a farm?
What's the worst thing you're likely to find in the school cafeteria?
What kind of plates do they use in space?
Why did the clock in the cafeteria run slow?
What vegetables do librarians like?
What did the computer do at lunchtime?
What do you call a monkey with a banana in each ear?
What is a scarecrow's favorite fruit?
What do witches put on their bagels?
What do snowmen like to eat for breakfast?
Why did Superman cross the road?
What day do potatoes hate the most?
Why did the cookie go to the doctor?
Why was the cookie sad?
What was the most popular candy on the Titanic?
What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
What did a pirate pay for his corn?
What did the mamma tomato say to the baby tomato?
What do you call 150 strawberries bunched together?
Why was the strawberry sad?
Why did the kid throw the butter out the window?
What do ghosts like for dessert?
What is a math teacher's favorite dessert?
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter?
What's the worst vegetable to serve on a boat?
What's a penguin's favorite salad?
How does a penguin make pancakes?
What do dogs eat at the movies?
What is a dog's favorite dessert?
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
When is an Irish potato not an Irish potato?
What is a frog's favorite cold drink?
What is a frog's favorite hot drink?
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Knock Knock! Who's there? Doughnut. Doughnut who? Doughnut ask, it's a secret.
Knock Knock!
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Knock Knock!
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Knock Knock!
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Why didn't the mummy have any friends? (Because he was wrapped up in himself!)
What road has the most ghosts haunting it?
Why is there a gate around cemeteries?
What do ghosts eat on Halloween?
Where do ghosts go when they're sick?
What position does a ghost play in soccer?
What are a ghost's favorite pants?
What monster plays tricks on Halloween?
What room is useless for a ghost?
What do sea monsters eat for lunch?
What did the skeleton order for dinner?
What do you call a skeleton who won't work?
What's a monster's favorite place to swim?
How do you make a skeleton laugh?
Where should a 500 pound monster go?
Why did the vampire get thrown out of the haunted house?
What did Dracula say about his girlfriend?
Why did the vampire flunk art class?
What do you get when you cross a teacher and a vampire?
What's the problem with twin witches?
Why do witches fly on brooms?
What do you call witches who live together?
What do you do with a green monster?
What do witches ask for at hotels?
What do little monsters eat?
What do ghosts use to clean their hair?
Why didn't the zombie go to school?
Why did the cyclops stop teaching?
Why is a cemetery a great place to write a story?
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Why are graveyards noisy? (Because of all the coffin!)
What is a scarecrow's favorite fruit?
Why did the scarecrow win the Nobel Prize?
What do witches put on their bagels?
Why are vampires tough to get along with?
Do you know how to make a witch itch?
Where does Dracula keep his money?
What subject in school is easy for a witch?
How does a witch tell time?
Why did the skeleton go to the party alone?
Who won the skeleton beauty contest?
Where do baby ghosts go during the day?
What do ghosts like for dessert?
What's a monster's favorite play?
What do witches put on their hair?
What's a haunted chicken?
How do you fix a jack-o-lantern?
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter?
What breed of dog does Dracula have?
What's big, scary, and has three wheels?
Which witch is good when it's dark?
What's the best way to talk to a monster?
What should you do if you're attacked by a group of clowns?
What animal is best at baseball?
Which circus performers can see in the dark?
Why don't bats live alone?
What animal is good at cricket?
What happened to the cannibal who was late to dinner?
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What kind of plates do they use in space? (Flying saucers!)
When is a door not a door?
Why did the woman run around her bed?
Why do fluorescent lights hum?
Why did the house go to the doctor?
What did the quilt say to the bed?
What gives you the power and strength to walk through walls?
What did one toilet say to the other toilet?
How do you know if there's a dinosaur under your bed?
What should you do if you find a dinosaur in your bed?
Did the dinosaur take a bath?
How did the dinosaur feel after he ate a pillow?
How does a penguin build its house?
What is Irish and left out on the lawn all summer?
What room is useless for a ghost?
What does a frog say when it washes a window?
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What gets wetter the more it dries? (A towel!)
What room has no walls?
What did one wall say to the other wall?
Mother: "Did you take a bath?"
What goes up when the rain comes down?
Why do witches fly on brooms?
How do you know if there's a dinosaur in your refrigerator?
Did the dinosaur take a bath?
When can three giant dinosaurs get under an umbrella and not get wet?
Why was the broom late?
How do you warm up a room after it's been painted?
Which type of dinosaur could jump higher than a house?
How many skunks does it take to stink up a house?
How do teddy bears keep their house cool in summer? Did you hear the joke about the corduroy pillow? Yes, it made headline!
Knock Knock!
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Food and Eating
Knock Knock!
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Food and Eating
Knock Knock!
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Animals
Knock Knock!
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Misc.
Knock Knock!
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Knock knock!
Knock Knock
Knock knock.
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Why was six afraid of seven? (Because seven ate nine!)
Why did the girl wear glasses during math class?
TEACHER: "What are 12 and 14?".
What geometric figure is like a lost parrot?
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter?
What does the zero say to the the eight? There are 10 types of mathematicians. Those who know binary and those who don't.
What was T. rex's favorite number?
What snakes are good at doing sums?
Why did the two 4's skip lunch?
A woman has seven daughters, and each daughter has a brother. How many children does the woman have all together?
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Do you know a statistics joke? (Probably, but it's mean!)
Why was the math book sad?
What kind of meals do math teachers eat?
What did the tree say to the math teacher?
Why did the student do multiplication problems on the floor?
If you had 8 apples in one hand and 5 apples in the other, what would you have?
What is a mathematician's favorite dessert?
How can you make seven even?
What has eight legs and eight eyes?
TEACHER: "What's 2n plus 2n?" He said she was average because he was mean.
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Where does Dracula keep his money? (In a blood bank!)
Where does a penguin keep its money?
Where do fish keep their money?
How do dinosaurs pay their bills?
Where can you always find money?
Bob: I wish I had enough money to buy a dinosaur.
When does it rain money?
Why did the robber take a bath before he stole from the bank?
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What did the duck say after he went shopping? (Put it on my bill!)
What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine?
What has a hundred heads and a hundred tails?
Why did the woman go outdoors with her purse open?
Why can't you borrow money from a leprechaun?
Knock Knock!
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What's yellow, weighs 1,000 pounds, and sings? (Two 500 pound canaries!)
Why do hummingbirds hum?
Why is a piano so hard to open?
What's the most musical bone?
What makes music on your hair?
Why was the musician arrested?
Where did the music teacher leave her keys?
What's green and sings?
Why do fluorescent lights hum?
Why is slippery ice like music?
Why was the result when a piano fell down a mine shaft?
Why are pirates great singers?
What rock group has four guys who don't sing?
What do you get if you cross a serpent and a trumpet?
What was stolen from the music store?
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How do you make a band stand? (Take their chairs away!)
What do little penguins sing when their father brings fish home for dinner?
What type of music are balloons scared of?
What's the most musical part of a turkey?
What's the most musical part of a fish?
What's the difference between a piano and a fish?
What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument?
Why did the singer climb a ladder?
What type of songs do the planets sing?
What is a cat's favorite song?
What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear and a harp?
What do you get if you cross a sweet potato and a jazz musician?
Knock knock!
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Why are pirates called pirates? (They just arrrrrgh!)
How much did the pirate pay for his earrings?
How much did the pirate pay for his hook and peg leg?
Why can't you take a picture of a pirate with a wooden leg?
What is a pirate's favorite subject?
What is a pirate's favorite country?
What are pirates afraid of?
Why did the pirate go on vacation?
Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?
What grades did the pirate get in school?
What do you call a pirate with two eyes and two legs?
Why didn't the pirate's phone work?
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Why are pirates great singers? (They can hit the high C's!)
Why couldn't the pirate play cards?
What do you call a pirate that skips class?
What did a pirate pay for his corn?
Why didn't the pirate go to the movies?
What kind of socks does a pirate wear?
Why didn't the pirate get hungry on the desert island?
What has eight legs and eight eyes?
Why are pirates so mean?
What does a dyslexic pirate say?
Knock knock.
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What do you get when you cross a parrot and a shark? (A bird that talks your ear off!)
What do you get if you cross a cat with a parrot?
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Which side of a parrot has the prettiest feathers? (The outside!)
What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
What do you get if you cross a centipede and a parrot?
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Why shouldn't you tell a secret on a farm? (Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears!)
If fruit comes from a fruit tree, where does chicken come from?
What did the tree say to the math teacher?
What's an elephant's favorite vegetable?
What did the baby corn say to the mama corn?
What did the nut say when it sneezed?
Why did the cabbage win the race?
Why did the tomato turn red?
What do you give to a sick lemon?
What did the big flower say to the small flower?
How do trees get on the Internet?
What is a frog's favorite flower?
What do cartographers give their sweethearts on Valentine's Day?
Why do frogs have webbed feet?
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What kind of flower grows on your face? (Tulips!)
What do you get when you plant kisses?
What has no fingers, but many rings?
What kind of tree can fit into your hand?
Why was the cucumber mad?
Why did the gardener plant light bulbs?
If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
Why is the mushroom always invited to parties?
Why is a tree like a big dog?
Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick's Day?
Why can't you iron a four-leaf clover?
What do you call a girl with a frog in her hair?
Knock knock!
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Why did the teacher wear sunglasses? (Because her students were bright!)
Why was the teacher cross-eyed?
Where did the music teacher leave her keys?
What did the tree say to the math teacher?
What did the pen say to the pencil?
How do you get straight A's?
Why did the kid study in the airplane?
What did you learn in school today?
What's the king of the classroom?
What do librarians take with them when they go fishing?
Why did the clock in the cafeteria run slow?
What vegetables do librarians like?
What subject in school is easy for a witch?
What did the computer do at lunchtime?
What is snake's favorite subject?
What is a pirate's favorite subject?
What do you call a pirate that skips class?
Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?
What grades did the pirate get in school?
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Pencils could be made with erasers on both ends, but that would be pointless.
What did the paper say to the pencil?
How do bees get to school? What's better than a talking dinosaur? (A spelling bee!)
Which hand is it better to write with?
Why didn't the sun go to college?
What is the smartest state?
What animal cheats at exams?
Why was the math book sad?
What kind of meals do math teachers eat?
Why did the student do multiplication problems on the floor?
Why did the teacher write on the window?
What do you do if a teacher rolls her eyes at you?
Why did the teacher turn the lights on?
What building has the most stories?
What is a math teacher's favorite dessert?
Why did the cyclops stop teaching?
What is an owl's favorite subject?
Why didn't the zombie go to school?
What do you get when you throw a million books into the ocean?
Why did the girl wear glasses during math class?
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What did Mars say to Saturn? (Give me a ring sometime!)
What type of songs do the planets sing?
What do you call an alien with three eyes?
How do you get a baby astronaut to sleep?
Have you heard about the cow astronaut?
When is the moon the heaviest?
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How does the man-in-the-moon cut his hair? (Eclipse it!)
Why didn't the sun go to college?
What kind of plates do they use in space?
Where do astronauts keep their sandwiches?
What do you get if you cross Santa Claus with a space ship?
How do you organize a space party?
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What lights up a soccer stadium? (A soccer match!)
What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine?
Two silk worms were in a race. Who won?
What do you do when you see an elephant with a basketball?
Why didn't Cinderella make the basketball team?
What kind of cats like to go bowling?
What has 18 legs and catches flies?
Two waves had a race. Who won?
Why did the golfer have an extra pair of pants?
Why should bowling alleys be quiet?
What did the baseball glove say to the baseball?
What is a cheerleader's favorite drink?
What position does a ghost play in soccer?
Whats a sheep's favorite game?
What do you call it when a dinosaur makes a goal with a soccer ball?
Why was everyone so tired on April 1st?
Why are penguins good race drivers?
What is a frog's favorite game?
What is a frog's favorite game?
What is a frog's favorite exercise?
Do you go rock climbing?
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What's big, scary, and has three wheels? (A monster riding a tricycle!)
When is a baby good at basketball?
What do you call a pig who plays basketball?
How is a baseball team similar to a pancake?
What's a golfer's favorite letter?
What animal is best at hitting a baseball?
What is harder to catch the faster you run?
Why is tennis such a loud sport?
What type of lightning likes to play sports?
What kind of dinosaur can you ride in a rodeo?
What is an insect's favorite sport?
What is a cheerleader's favorite color?
What is the hardest part about skydiving? I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.
What has a spiked tail, plates on its back, and sixteen wheels?
What do you call it when a dinosaur slides in to home plate?
What has 18 legs and catches flies?
No matter how cold you get, never build a fire in a kayak!
What animal is good at cricket?
Knock Knock!
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Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick's Day? (Real rocks are too heavy!)
Why can't you iron a four-leaf clover?
What do you call a fake stone in Ireland?
What type of bow cannot be tied?
Where can you always find gold?
Why do frogs like St. Patrick's Day?
Why did the elephant wear green sneakers?
What did the leprechaun do for a living?
How can you tell if a leprechaun is having a good time?
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What happens when a leprechaun falls into a river? (He gets wet!)
What is Irish and left out on the lawn all summer?
Why did St. Patrick drive all the snakes out of Ireland?
When is an Irish potato not an Irish potato?
What do you call a diseased criminal?
Why can't you borrow money from a leprechaun?
Knock Knock
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Why did the scarecrow win the Nobel Prize? (Because he was out standing in his field!)
What is a scarecrow's favorite fruit?
If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
What smells the best at a Thanksgiving dinner?
What always comes at the beginning of parades?
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What should you wear to Thanksgiving dinner? (A har-vest!)
If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for?
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
What always comes at the end of Thanksgiving?
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What key won't open any door? (A turkey!)
Why did the turkey cross the road?
Why did the chewing gum cross the road?
Why did the turkey cross the road twice?
What do you get when a turkey lays an egg on top of a barn?
Where do you find a turkey with no legs?
What do you call it when it rains turkeys?
Why did the turkey sit on the tomahawk?
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Why did the police arrest the turkey? (They suspected it of fowl play!)
Which side of a turkey has the most feathers?
Why do turkeys lay eggs?
What's the most musical part of a turkey?
If fruit comes from a fruit tree, where does turkey come from?
Daughter: Mum, can I have a canary for Christmas?
What happened when the turkey got into a fight?
What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner? |
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What time is it when 10 elephants are chasing you? (Ten to one!)
What time is it when you find an elephant in your car?
What does a clock do when it's hungry?
Why did the girl sit on a clock?
Why did the clock in the cafeteria run slow?
Why was everyone so tired on April 1st?
What is a frog's favorite year?
Why are Saturday and Sunday the strongest days?
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What animal keeps the best time? (A watch dog!)
What is the shortest month?
How many months have 28 days?
How does a witch tell time? I was going to look for my missing watch, but I could never find the time.
When does a clock strike thirteen?
What day do potatoes hate the most?
What time is it when an elephant sits on your watch?
What did the thief who stole a calendar get?
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Did you hear the joke about the Liberty Bell? (Yes, it cracked me up!)
Why can't a woman living in the U.S. be buried in Canada?
What did one US flag say to the other?
What do you find in the middle of nowhere?
What is the smartest state?
Why does the Mississippi river see so well?
What do you call the hippie's wife?
What would you call the USA if everyone had a pink car?
What would you call the USA if everyone lived in their cars?
What do you call doing 2,000 pounds of laundry?
What rock group has four guys who don't sing?
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What did Delaware?
Come on, what did Delaware?
Well, what did Delaware?
What is the capital of Washington?
What is the capital of Alaska?
What happens when fog lifts in southern California?
What US state is round on the ends and high in the middle?
If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
In what US state can you find tiny drinks?
Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
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What did the tornado say to the sports car? (Want to go for a spin!)
What part of the car is the laziest?
What would you call the USA if everyone had a pink car?
What would you call the USA if everyone lived in their cars?
What does a houseboat turn into when it grows up?
What made the dinosaur's car stop?
What only starts to work after it's fired?
What's the worst vegetable to serve on a boat?
How do trains hear?
What do you say to a frog who needs a ride?
When is a car like a frog?
What happens when a frog parks in a no-parking space?
How do fleas travel from place to place?
What do you get if you cross a dog and an airplane?
What has four wheels and flies?
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What do you call a sleeping bull? (A bull-dozer!)
Who earns a living by driving their customers away?
What's big, scary, and has three wheels? Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?
What's worse than raining cats and dogs?
What happened when a red ship crashed into a blue ship?
What do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars?
What did the dinosaur say after the car crash? No matter how cold you get, never build a fire in a kayak! You can't have your kayak and heat it too!
Why do you need a license for a dog but not for a cat?
What snakes are found on cars?
What is the difference between a nicely-dressed man on a tricycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle?
Knock Knock!
Knock knock!
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What did the tornado say to the sports car? (Want to go for a spin!)
What's a tornado's favorite game?
What happens when it rains cats and dogs?
Is it raining cats and dogs?
What bow can't be tied?
Why is it cold on Christmas?
What did the lightning bolt say to the other lightning bolt?
What happens when fog lifts in southern California?
What type of lightning likes to play sports?
What do teddy bears do when it rains?
What did the hurricane say to the other hurricane?
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What goes up when the rain comes down? (An umbrella!)
When does it rain money?
What's the difference between a horse and the weather?
Why did the woman go outdoors with her purse open?
What do you call it when it rains chickens and ducks?
What does a cloud wear under her raincoat?
Why is Britain the wettest country?
What do you call a grizzly bear caught in the rain?
Knock Knock!
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When is a door not a door? (When it is ajar/a jar!)
What building has the most stories?
What is black and white and red all over?
What road has the most ghosts haunting it?
Why is there a gate around cemeteries?
Why did the woman run around her bed?
Why do fluorescent lights hum?
Why did the house go to the doctor?
Why can't a woman living in the U.S. be buried in Canada?
What did one campfire say to the other?
What did the quilt say to the bed?
Why are movie stars always cool?
What is round and extremely violent?
What's the biggest problem with snow boots?
What gets wetter the more it dries?
Where can you find an ocean with no water?
What did the ocean say to the beach?
Why do you get if you cross a chili pepper, a shovel and a terrier?
What kind of hair do oceans have?
What washes up on very small beaches?
What did one flag say to the other?
Why did the clown go to the doctor?
Why don't cannibals eat clowns? Pencils could be made with erasers on both ends, but that would be pointless. An invisible man married an invisible woman. Their kids are nothing to look at.
What's brown and sticky?
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't return? He wondered why the boomerang kept getting bigger until it hit him. She couldn't remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to her.
Why can't a nose be 12 inches long?
What happens when you throw a white hat into the Black Sea?
What do prisoners use to call each other?
What common 11-letter word is always spelled incorrectly?
What only starts to work after it's fired?
What do you find in the middle of nowhere?
What's at the end of everything?
What starts with a "p", ends with an "e" and has a million letters in it?
What's green and sings?
What did one toilet say to the other toilet?
What gives you the power and strength to walk through walls?
Why did Superman cross the road?
Why is it cold on Christmas?
What did one volcano say to the other volcano?
Where should a 500 pound monster go?
What nails do carpenters hate to hit?
What happened when the magician got mad?
Did you hear about the actor who fell through the theater's floor?
What always comes at the beginning of parades?
What do snowmen like to eat for breakfast?
What do lawyers wear to court?
What did the inventor of the door-knocker win?
Did you hear about the human cannonball?
What happened to the woman who fell into the upholstery machine?
What do you do if a teenager rolls her eyes at you?
Two waves had a race. Who won?
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What room has no walls? (A mushroom!)
What goes up but never comes down?
Why did the scarecrow win the Nobel Prize?
Why did the farmer ride his horse to town?
What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the courtroom?
What happened when the lion ate the clown?
What goes up and down but never moves?
Why did the picture go to jail?
Did you heard about the origami store?
Why was everyone so tired on April 1st?
Why did the banker quit her job?
What is the fastest country in the world?
What is the coldest country in the world?
What do you get when you throw a million books into the ocean?
What is the longest word?
Why wasn't the girl sad when her flashlight battery died?
A neutron walks into a diner and orderes lunch. How much will that be?" A photon checked into a hotel and is asked if she needs any help with her luggage. "No, I'm travelling light."
Wanna hear a joke about potassium?
Do you know any good jokes about sodium?
What do you do with a dead chemist?
Why is the mushroom always invited to parties?
To the optimist, the glass is half full.
What do you call a man at the top of a hill?
What's a great name for a lawyer?
What do you call a man in a hole?
What do you call a woman standing on a tennis court?
What do you call a man lying on your doorstep?
What do you call a man in the mailbox?
What do you call a woman with one leg?
What kind of rocks are never found in the ocean?
Why do fireman wear red suspenders?
Why is Britain the wettest country?
What runs but never walks?
What should you take on a trip to the desert?
What do you call the little rivers that flow into the Nile?
What do fish and maps have in common?
What do cartographers give their sweethearts on Valentine's Day?
What has one eye but cannot see?
How did the Vikings send secret messages?
What happened when the short fortune-teller who escaped from prison?
Did you hear about the fire at the circus? Double negatives are a no-no!
Knock Knock!
Knock Knock!
Knock Knock!
Knock Knock!
Knock Knock!
Knock knock!
Knock knock!
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Related Activities Involving Jokes and Riddles:
: Do Math Problems, then Decode the Jokes and Riddles Solve the simple math problems, then use the alphabet code to answer the riddles. |
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