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All Holiday Jokes | Halloween | St. Patrick's Day | Thanksgiving |
Animal Jokes and Riddles |
What color socks do bears wear? (They don't wear socks, they have bear feet!)
What to polar bears eat for lunch?
What do you call a grizzly bear caught in the rain?
What's black and white, black and white, and black and white?
What is black and white and red all over?
Why do bears have fur coats?
What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear and a harp?
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What do you call bears with no ears? (B!)
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
Why didn't the teddy bear eat his lunch?
What do you get if you cross a teddy bear with a pig?
What's white, furry, and shaped like a tooth?
How do teddy bears keep their den cool in summer?
What do teddy bears do when it rains?
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Why do seagulls fly over the sea? (Because if they flew over the bay they would be called bagels!)
Why does a flamingo stand on one leg?
Where does a peacock go when it loses its tail?
Did you hear the story about the peacock?
What is even smarter than a talking bird?
Why do hummingbirds hum?
What do you give a sick bird?
Why do birds fly south for the winter?
What birds are found in Portugal?
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What kind of bird can carry the most weight? (The crane!)
What's noisier than a whooping crane?
Did you hear the joke about the broken egg?
What bird is with you at every meal?
What bird is always sad?
What do you call a bird in the winter?
Silly boy: I'd like to buy some bird seed.
Knock Knock!
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Two flies are on the porch. Which one is an actor? (The one on the screen!)
What is the biggest ant in the world?
Why was the baby ant confused?
What do you get when you cross a sheep and a honey bee?
How do bees get to school?
Why do bees have sticky hair?
What do you get when you cross a walrus with a bee?
Why did the bee go to the doctor?
What do you get if you cross a centipede and a parrot?
How do fleas travel from place to place?
What are caterpillars afraid of?
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What is an insect's favorite sport? (Cricket!)
Why did the kid throw the butter out the window?
Why didn't the butterfly go to the dance?
Two silk worms were in a race. Who won?
What do you get if you cross a tarantula and a rose?
Why are spiders good swimmers?
What did the spider say when he broke his new web?
Why are frogs so happy?
What did one frog say to the other?
Why was the mother firefly unhappy?
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Where does a 500-pound canary sit? (Anywhere it wants!)
What's yellow, weighs 1,000 pounds, and sings?
What did the 500 pound canary say?
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What do you get if you cross a canary and a 50-foot long snake? (A sing-a-long!)
Daughter: Mum, can I have a canary for Christmas?
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What is a cat's favorite color? (Purr-ple!)
What is a cat's favorite song?
Why can't a leopard hide?
What's worse than raining cats and dogs?
What kind of cats like to go bowling?
What animal cheats at exams?
Why do you need a license for a dog and not for a cat?
What animals are the best pets?
What did the cat have for breakfast?
What are caterpillars afraid of?
Is it raining cats and dogs?
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Why did the lion spit out the clown? (Because he tasted funny!)
What animal is bad to play games with?
What happened when the lion ate the clown?
Is it true that a lion won't attack if you hold a tree branch?
What's the nickname for someone who put her right hand in the mouth of a lion?
Why didn't the boy believe the tiger?
Why did the leopard wear a striped shirt?
When is it very bad luck to see a black cat?
Is it hard to spot a leopard?
What steps do you take if you a tiger is running towards you?
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What does a mixed-up hen lay? (Scrambled eggs!)
What does an evil hen lay?
Where do tough chickens come from?
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Why did the chewing gum cross the road?
Why did the turkey cross the road?
Why did the turkey cross the road twice?
What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn?
A rooster laid an egg on a barn roof. Which way would it roll?
Where do you find a chicken with no legs?
What do you call it when it rains chickens and ducks?
What do you get if you cross a cocker spaniel, a poodle and a rooster?
Chickens rise when the rooster crows, but when do ducks get up?
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Which side of a chicken has the most feathers? (The outside!)
Why do hens lay eggs?
How do chickens bake a cake?
Why can't a rooster ever get rich?
What's the most musical part of a chicken?
Why did the chicken go to the seance?
What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cow?
If fruit comes from a fruit tree, where does chicken come from?
What's a haunted chicken?
What's a henway?
Silly girl: Why does your son say, "Cluck, cluck, cluck".
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What do you get from a pampered cow? (Spoiled milk!)
What do you call a cow with two legs?
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Where do cows go for entertainment?
What do you get when you cross an octopus and a cow?
What is a cow's favorite day?
What did the farmer call the cow that had no milk?
What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cow?
What happened to the lost cattle?
Why can't you shock cows?
Have you heard about the cow astronaut?
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Why did the cow cross the road? (To get to the udder side!)
Why do cows wear bells?
What do you get when you cross a cow and a goat?
What do you call a sleeping bull?
What do you call a grumpy cow?
What do you call cattle with a sense of humor?
What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument?
Knock Knock!
Knock Knock! |
Why do male deer need braces? (Because they have buck teeth!)
What do you get if you cross Bambi with a ghost?
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What do you call a deer with no eyes? (No idea!)
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
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What does a triceratops sit on? (Its tricera-bottom!)
What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?
Why did the Archaeopteryx catch the worm?
What was T. rex's favorite number?
Why did the dinosaur get in the bed?
Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
Receptionist: Doctor, there's an invisible dinosaur in the waiting room.
What do you call a fossil that doesn't ever want to work?
What do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars?
What did the dinosaur say after the car crash?
What do you call it when a dinosaur makes a goal with a soccer ball?
What do you call a plated dinosaur when he is asleep?
What do you call a tyrannosaurus that talks and talks and talks?
What do you call a dinosaur with no eyes?
What's the best way to talk to a Tyrannosaur?
Why are there old dinosaur bones in the museum?
What do you say when you meet a two-headed dinosaur?
Is it true that a dinosaur won't attack if you hold a tree branch?
Bob: I wish I had enough money to buy a dinosaur.
Sue: I lost my pet dinosaur .
What did the Tyrannosaurus rex get after mopping the floor?
Why did the dinosaurs go extinct?
Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
What makes more noise than a dinosaur?
What do you call a Stegosaurus with carrots in its ears?
What's better than a talking dinosaur?
What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?
What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?
Which dinosaur slept all day?
What do you call Tyrannosaurus rex when it wears a cowboy hat and boots?
What kind of dinosaur can you ride in a rodeo?
What do you get when you cross a dinosaur with fireworks?
When can three giant dinosaurs get under one umbrella and not get wet?
Which type of dinosaur could jump higher than a house?
What weighs 800 pounds and sticks to the roof of your mouth?
What do you do if you find a blue Ichthyosaur?
Why don't dinosaurs ever forget?
What does a giant Tyrannosaurus eat?
What's the difference between a strawberry and a Tyrannosaurus?
Why did the dinosaur paint her toenails red?
What do you get when a dinosaur walks through the strawberry patch?
Do you know how long dinosaurs should be fed?
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What should you do if you find a dinosaur in your bed? (Find somewhere else to sleep!)
Did the dinosaur take a bath?
How did the dinosaur feel after he ate a pillow?
What do you need to know to teach a dinosaur tricks?
Where was the dinosaur when the sun went down?
Why didn't the dinosaur cross the road?
What is in the middle of dinosaurs?
Where do dinosaurs get their mail?
What's as big as a dinosaur but weighs nothing?
What do you get when a dinosaur sneezes?
How do you know if there's a dinosaur in your refrigerator?
What happened when the dinosaur took the train home?
Mitchell: Why did the Triceratops cross the road?
How do you know if there's a dinosaur under your bed?
Why was the dinosaur afraid of the ocean?
What do you call a dinosaur with one leg?
Mother: Why are you crying?
What was the scariest prehistoric animal?
What has a spiked tail, plates on its back, and sixteen wheels?
What do you call it when a dinosaur slides in to home plate?
What do you get if you cross a Triceratops with a kangaroo?
What do you get if you cross a pig with a dinosaur?
What family does T. rex belong to?
What made the dinosaur's car stop?
What do you call a dinosaur that left its armor out in the rain?
What type of tool does a prehistoric reptile carpenter use?
Who makes the best prehistoric reptile clothes?
Which dinosaurs were the best policemen?
What do you call a dinosaur who is elected to Congress?
Where do prehistoric reptiles like to go on vacation?
Where did Velociraptor buy things?
How do dinosaurs pay their bills?
Why did the Apatosaurus devour the factory?
What is an Iguanodon's favorite playground toy?
What's worse than a giraffe with a sore throat?
How much fur can you get from a dinosaur?
Why do dinosaurs eat raw meat?
What did dinosaurs have that no others animals ever had?
How many dinosaurs can fit in an empty box?
How can you tell if there's a dinosaur in the refrigerator?
How do you make a dinosaur float?
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What do you get when you cross a Rottweiler and a collie? (A dog who bites you, and then goes for help!)
What animal keeps the best time?
When is a dog not a dog?
Why don't dogs make good dancers?
What dog loves to take bubble baths?
What type of markets do dogs avoid?
Why don't blind people like to sky dive?
Why did the dachshund bite the woman's ankle?
Why did the snowman call his dog "Frost"?
Why do you need a license for a dog and not for a cat?
What do you call a nutty dog in Australia?
How do you catch a runaway dog?
When is a black dog not a black dog?
What do you call young dogs who play in the snow?
Why do dogs run in circles?
What do you get if you cross a Beatle and an Australian dog?
Why do you get if you cross a chili pepper, a shovel and a terrier?
What do you call a black Alaskan dog?
What do you call a great dog detective?
Why is a tree like a big dog?
What are caterpillars afraid of? Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
How do fleas travel from place to place?
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What happens when it rains cats and dogs? (You might step in a poodle!)
What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper?
What did one flea say to the other?
What do you call a dog that is left handed?
What's worse than raining cats and dogs?
What do you get if you cross a dog and an airplane?
What do dogs have that no other animals have?
Where do Eskimos train their dogs?
What breed of dog does Dracula have?
What makes more noise than a dog barking outside your window?
What do you call a happy Lassie?
What kind of dog likes to smell flowers?
What do you call a dog with no legs?
What do you get if you cross a cocker spaniel, a poodle and a rooster?
What do you get if you cross a frog and a dog?
How did the little Scottish dog feel when he saw a monster?
When does a dog go "moo"?
What happened to the dog that swallowed a firefly?
What do dogs eat at the movies?
What is a dog's favorite dessert?
Is it raining cats and dogs?
Did you hear about the dog that gave birth to puppies at the side of the road? In the winter my dog wears his coat. In the summer he wears his coat and pants!
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What does a duck like to eat with soup? (Quackers!)
What geometric figure is like a lost parrot?
What happens when a duck flies upside down?
What did the duck say after he went shopping?
What do you call a crate of ducks?
What do you call it when it rains chickens and ducks?
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How do you get down off an elephant? (You don't, you get down off a duck!)
When a duck has no money, what does it tell the waiter?
Which animal grows down?
What's the difference between a duck with one wing and a duck with two wings?
Who stole the soap?
What do ducks watch on TV?
Chickens rise when the rooster crows, but when do ducks get up?
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What does a mixed-up hen lay? (Scrambled eggs!)
What does an evil hen lay?
Where do tough chickens come from?
What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn?
A rooster laid an egg on a barn roof. Which way would it roll?
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Why do hens lay eggs? (If they dropped them, they'd break!)
Did you hear the joke about the broken egg?
Where do you get frogs' eggs?
Silly girl: Why does your son say, "Cluck, cluck, cluck"?
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How do elephants talk to each other long distance? (On the elephone!)
What do you do when you find a blue elephant?
What time is it when you find an elephant in your car?
How do you know if there's an elephant under your bed?
What time is it when 10 elephants are chasing you?
How do you stop an elephant from charging?
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a fish?
What's an elephant's favorite vegetable?
Why are elephants so poor?
What is the biggest ant in the world?
What does a doctor give an elephant who's going to be sick?
What's big and grey and protects you from the rain?
What do you do with a green elephant?
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How do you get down off an elephant? (You don't, you get down off a duck!)
What game do you NOT want to play with an elephant?
What do you do when you see an elephant with a basketball?
How do you know if there is a elephant in your refrigerator?
How do you know if there's a elephant in your refrigerator?
How do you raise a baby elephant?
Why are elephants so wrinkled?
What is gray and blue and very big?
What time is it when an elephant sits on your watch?
Why did the elephant wear green sneakers?
What happened to the elephant who ran away with the circus?
Why do you call an elephant in a phone booth?
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Fish and Other Ocean Animal Jokes:
What's the difference between a piano and a fish? (You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish!)
What do you get when you cross a shark and a snowman?
What did the fish say when he swam into the concrete wall?
Which part of a fish weighs the most?
What's the most musical part of a fish?
Which fish is the most famous?
How do you confuse a fish?
Where do fish keep their money?
Why did the shark spit out the clown?
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Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?
What do you call a fish without an eye?
How do oysters call their friends?
Why don't oysters share their pearls?
What do you get when you cross an octopus and a cow?
What's that gooey stuff in between a shark's teeth?
What is the strongest creature in the sea?
Where do fish sleep?
What do fish and maps have in common?
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What happens when a frog parks in a no-parking space? (It gets toad away!)
What is a frog's favorite exercise?
What do you get when you cross a frog and a bunny?
Why are frogs so happy?
What did one frog say to the other?
What do you get if you cross a frog and a dog?
Where do frogs leave their hats and coats?
What do you call a frog with no hind legs?
What do frogs wear on their feet?
Why do frogs like St. Patrick's Day?
When is a car like a frog?
What do you say if you meet a toad?
Where do you get frogs' eggs?
What do you say to a frog who needs a ride?
What does a frog say when it washes a window?
What do you get when you cross a frog and a popsicle?
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Why couldn't the snake talk? (It had a frog in his throat!)
What is a frog's favorite year?
What is a frog's favorite game?
What is a frog's favorite game?
What is a frog's favorite flower?
What is a frog's favorite cold drink?
What is a frog's favorite hot drink?
What is a frog's favorite music?
How did the toad die?
How did the toad die?
How deep is a frog pond?
What's the world's weakest animal?
Why do frogs have webbed feet?
What do you call a girl with a frog in her hair?
What goes dot-dot-croak, dot-dash-croak?
How does a frog feel when he has a broken leg?
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What type of horses only go out at night? (Nightmares!)
What did the pony say when it had a sore throat?
Why did the boy stand behind the horse?
How long should a racehorse's legs be?
What type of horse can jump higher than a house?
What do you give a sick horse?
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Why did the farmer ride his horse to town? (It was too heavy to carry!)
When does a horse talk?
What's the difference between a horse and the weather?
What sickness do horses hate the most?
What do you call a horse that lives next door?
What does it mean if you find a horseshoe in the road?
Patient: Doctor, I feel like a pony!
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What kind of a key opens a banana? (A monkey!)
Why did the monkey like the banana?
What did the banana say to the monkey?
What do monkeys do for laughs?
What do you call a monkey with a banana in each ear?
What did the monkey say when he cut off his tail?
Where should a monkey go when he loses his tail?
Why don't monkeys play cards in the jungle?
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Why did the giant ape climbe up the side of the skyscraper? (The elevator was broken!)
Where do chimps get their gossip?
What key won't open any door?
How do you catch a monkey?
How do monkeys get down the stairs?
Where does a 2,000 pound gorilla sit?
What do you call a 2,000 pound gorilla?
Jake: I taught my monkey to play chess.
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What's gray, squeaky and hangs around in caves? (Stalagmice!)
What does a twenty-pound mouse say to a cat?
What has 12 legs, six eyes, three tails, and can't see?
What did the cat have for breakfast?
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What goes dot, dot, dash, squeak? (Mouse code!)
What's gray and furry on the inside and white on the outside?
When is it very bad luck to see a black cat?
Where do hamsters come from?
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Someone said you sounded like an owl. (Who?)
What do you call an owl with a deep voice?
Why did the owl say, "Tweet, tweet"?
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What is a baby owl after she's 6 days old? (Seven days old)
What is an owl's favorite subject?
Knock, Knock!
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What do you get when you cross a parrot and a shark? (A bird that talks your ear off!)
What do you get if you cross a cat with a parrot?
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Which side of a parrot has the prettiest feathers? (The outside!)
What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
What do you get if you cross a centipede and a parrot?
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Where do penguins go to dance? (The snow ball!)
Where does a penguin keep its money?
Why did the penguin cross the road?
Where do penguins go to the movies?
What's a penguin's favorite salad?
What do penguins have for lunch?
How does a penguin make pancakes?
Who's the penguin's favorite Aunt?
What do you get when you cross a penguin and an alligator?
Why do penguins carry fish in their beaks?
What do penguins sing at a birthday party?
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What do penguins wear on their heads? (Ice caps!)
What's black and white, black and white, and black and white?
Why are penguins good race drivers?
What do penguins eat for lunch?
How does a penguin build its house?
How do penguins drink?
Who's the head of the penguin navy?
What do you call fifty penguins at the North Pole?
Which side of a penguin has the most feathers?
What's black, white and red all over?
Why don't you see penguins in Britain?
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Why did the pig become an actor? (Because he was a ham.)
What kind of pigs know karate?
What kind of ties do pigs wear?
What do you get if you cross a teddy bear with a pig?
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Why did the pig take a bath? (The farmer said, "Hogwash"!)
What do you get when you cross a dinosaur with a pig?
What do you give a sick pig?
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What do you get when you cross a frog and a bunny? (A ribbit!)
Why was the rabbit so upset?
What do you call a dumb bunny?
How can you tell which are the oldest rabbits?
What kind of book does a rabbit like to read?
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What do you call a rabbit comedian? (A funny bunny!)
What's the best way to catch a unique rabbit?
How do you catch a tame rabbit?
What do you call a line of rabbits walking backwards?
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What is snake's favorite subject? (Hiss-tory!)
What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie?
What snakes are good at doing sums?
Why are snakes hard to fool?
What snakes are found on cars?
What are a snake's favorite magic spells?
Why did the viper viper nose?
What's long, green and goes "hith"?
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What is a snake's favorite dance? (The mamba!)
Why couldn't the snake talk?
Why did St. Patrick drive all the snakes out of Ireland?
What do you call a snake with a great personality?
What do most people do when they see a python?
What do you get if you cross a serpent and a trumpet?
What do you give a sick snake?
What do you call a snake who works for the government?
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What key won't open any door? (A turkey!)
Why did the turkey cross the road?
Why did the chewing gum cross the road?
Why did the turkey cross the road twice?
What do you get when a turkey lays an egg on top of a barn?
Where do you find a turkey with no legs?
What do you call it when it rains turkeys?
Why did the turkey sit on the tomahawk?
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Why did the police arrest the turkey? (They suspected it of fowl play!)
Which side of a turkey has the most feathers?
Why do turkeys lay eggs?
What's the most musical part of a turkey?
If fruit comes from a fruit tree, where does turkey come from?
Daughter: Mum, can I have a canary for Christmas?
What happened when the turkey got into a fight?
What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner? |
What do you call a camel with no humps? (Hump-free/Humphrey!)
What do you call a crying Camel?
What did the buffalo say to his son when he went away on a trip?
What is a sheep's favorite game?
What animal is best at baseball?
Which circus performers can see in the dark?
Why don't anteaters ever get sick?
Why don't bats live alone?
What animals are on legal documents?
How do you close a letter under the sea?
What's a good job for an octopus?
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How do two snails fight? (They slug it out!)
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Where did the turtle get a new shell?
How many skunks does it take to stink up a house?
What did the judge say when the skunk walked into the courtroom?
If a crocodile makes shoes, what does a banana make?
What do you call an alligator detective?
Where do hamsters come from?
What is out of bounds?
What animal is good at cricket?
Why do dragons sleep during the day?
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Related Activities:
Animal Theme Page Activities and worksheets about animals. |
Animal Keeping Time: Add, then Decode the Riddle Solve the addition problems, then use the alphabet code to decode the answer to the animal riddle, "Which animal keeps the best time?" (Answer = A watchdog). Or go to the answer page. |
Dalmatian Joke: Subtract, then Decode the Riddle Solve the subtraction problems, then use the alphabet code to answer the dog riddle, "Why can't Dalmatians win hide and seek?" Answer - They're always spotted. Or go to the answer page. |
Egg Joke: Multiply, then Decode the Riddle Solve the multiplication problems, then use the alphabet code to decode the answer to the egg riddle, "Why did the egg hide?" (Answer = He was a little chicken.) Or go to the answer page. |
Fish Joke: Subtract, then Decode the Riddle Solve the subtraction problems, then use the alphabet code to answer the fish riddle, "What part of a fish weighs the most?" Answer - The scales. Or go to the answer page. |
Lazy Dog: Divide, then Decode the Riddle Solve the division problems, then use the alphabet code to decode the answer to the animal riddle, "What do lazy dogs do for fun?" (Answer = They chase parked cars). Or go to the answer page. |
Leopard Riddle: Add and Subtract, then Decode the Riddle Solve the addition and subtraction problems, then use the alphabet code to answer the leopard riddle, "Which side of a leopard has the most spots?" (Answer - The outside). Or go to the answer page. |
Mixed-Up Hen Joke: Divide, then Decode the Riddle Solve the division problems, then use the alphabet code to decode the answer to the chicken riddle, "What did the mixed-up hen lay?" (Answer = Scrambled eggs). Or go to the answer page. |
Owl Riddles: Add and Subtract, then Decode the Riddles Solve the addition and subtraction problems, then use the alphabet code to answer the owl riddles, "What do you call an owl with a deep voice?" (Answer - A growl), and "Someone said you sound like an owl." (Answer - Who?). Or go to the answer page. |
Penguin Money Riddle: Add and Subtract, then Decode the Riddle Solve the addition and subtraction problems, then use the alphabet code to answer the penguin riddles, "Where do penguins keep their money?" (Answer - In a snow bank). Or go to the answer page. |
Raining Cats and Dogs Riddle: Add and Subtract, then Decode the Riddle Solve the addition and subtraction problems, then use the alphabet code to answer the weather riddle, "What's worse than raining cats and dogs? (Answer - Hailing taxis). Or go to the answer page. |
Snowman and Wolf: Subtract, then Decode the Riddle Solve the subtraction problems, then use the alphabet code to decode the snowman and the wolf riddle, "What do you get when you cross a snowman and a wolf?" Answer - frostbite. Or go to the answers. |
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